A Life Without Love
by FantasyWriter93
Summary: Summary Inside The First Chapter. Contains Yaoi, Slash, Yummy Lemons, Blood, Violence, Attempted Suicide, and FUTURE MPREG - Gibbs X Tony,  not enough MPREG with this fandom. . . first three chapters have been EDITED/REVISED on 14/8/12
1. Chapter 1

**Why does love always seem one-sided? And the one you love always seem to be unreachable?**

**For one Special Agent Tony Dinozzo, he has had enough of being loveless in his life and wishes to just give up.**

**The team at NCIS is ignoring him, the only family he has ever known and now he just wants to peace and death just seems to be the way.**

**When his cousin, Danielle Gregorio appears and finds him with his slit wrists, she makes a decision to take him away from it all.**

**But now that Gibbs knows, things are becoming a war over Tony – bringing him back or keeping him where he belongs.**

**Watch as love unfolds and blood is shed.**

_A life without love is no life at all._

**Lemons, attempted suicide, violence, and finally MPREG (same place just set in a reality where some males are carriers and can become pregnant, while being rare).**

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><p><strong>THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED ON 148/2012. I DO NOT OWN NCIS in any way or form, only my OC Danielle Gregorio and any other new characters that may appear.**

**PLEASE ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Sad emerald eyes looked at the pictures that were present on the bland, dreary walls of his sad little apartment. It was the people in these pictures that caught his eyes.<p>

In most of them, Abby Sciuto was there in her Goth get up, sporting the most brilliant smile as she hugged Timothy McGee and Ziva David from behind. Doctor Donald "Ducky" Mallard and Jimmy Palmer were also present in some of the shots. Other pictures of the times with Kate still present among their team were still upon his wall

A small smile flashed across his face before vanishing as he remembered the good times with his family before they had all become but a memory.

He turned to the last picture that always brought him heartache.

His boss, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, was smiling at the others in the group. It was one of the few rare times when they had caught him in a smile. The greying ex-Marine's sapphire eyes were sparkling with laughter and happiness. Ducky had described it as the few times that he had been that happy from the time he had met Gibbs.

But the smile was never directed at Tony.

Tony Dinozzo had slowly been falling for his boss over the ten years of meeting the man.

But Gibbs' Rule Number Twelve – _never date a co-worker_, always stood in place and the man had three ex-wives, but still loved Shannon and Kelly greatly, not wanting to move on from their deaths.

He would never want the likes of the skirt chasing, frat boy Anthony Dinozzo.

Now, all Tony could think about was being away from the man as much as possible to prevent from any further heartache or memories from resurfacing of an event that should have ever happened.

He just wanted be somewhere his unrequited love could die in peace - along with the rest of him.

Tony looked down to the ornate blade that was in his hand, an heirloom that his mother had given him a long-time ago.

He grabbed the vodka bottle present on the coffee table and sculled the burning liquid down his throat before slamming it back on the coffee table where it proceeded to fall to the ground and spill the last of its contents.

Emerald green eyes looked down the line of scars that had grown in number over the past few months. The cuts had only been to relieve himself of the increasing pain, sadness and agony he had been feeling.

He sighed in bliss as he pressed the sharp edge of the blade dug painfully into the soft flesh of his arm. The cut was deep and blood was expelling from the wound at an increasing rate.

Another cut appeared on the same arm before he cut another two on his other arm. The warm blood trickled down his arms as he lay down on the couch, a slow smile appearing on his face as darkness began to plague his vision.

A soft insistent sound could be heard fading in the background as he finally fell into darkness, before one final sound could be heard, piercing his darkness.

"**TONY!**"

**TO BE CONTINUED. . .**

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><p><strong>Please read &amp; review!<strong>

**JA NE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED ON 14/8/2012. I DO NOT OWN NCIS in any way or form, only my OC Danielle Gregorio and any other new characters that may appear.**

**ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love: Chapter 2 ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>The waiting room was quite full that late summer evening when Doctor Brad Pitt came back from one patient, looking to find the only family member waiting for them in the Bethesda Naval Hospital.<p>

Taking off the mask that had been present on his face, he looked down at the medical file of one 'Tony Dinozzo'. He shook his head in exasperation; he still couldn't believe that the fun loving, easy-going young man who had survived the pneumonic plague would ever go and try to kill himself. Things must have been really hard on the young Italian as of late if things were leading up to having stitches in his arms to stop the bleeding. From what he had seen, the cutting had been happening a lot recently.

He looked up and around the waiting room; surprised to not see any of the NCIS team members waiting for him. '_I always thought they were a very close-knit family,_' Brad thought.

"Family of Tony Dinozzo?" he asked around the room.

One woman jumped up immediately at the call and came almost running towards him.

He really had to look to see the family resemblance. She looked almost nothing like Tony - light brown hair with blonde highlights and pale skin, but her eyes were the same emerald green at Tony's own eyes. She was definitely a family member.

"I'm here for Tony," she whispered.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Danielle Gregorio, Tony is my cousin and I'm listed as his next of kin, medical proxy and power of attorney. Is he okay?" Danielle asked.

Dr Pitt nodded at her, "He's going to be just fine, he's been sedated and a blood transfusion is happening as we speak,"

Danielle sighed in relief, "May I see him?"

He nodded and began to lead the woman down the many corridors until he reached the door of Tony Dinozzo's recovery room.

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Danielle gasped as she looked upon the still form of her cousin.<p>

He was pale and deathly so, but his complexion was beginning to regain to the rosy colour in his cheeks as blood was being transferred into his system from the bag present next to his IV.

She could see that his arms were restrained to the bed, as if the doctors were afraid he would try and pull the stitches out.

She turned her angry glare at the doctor, about to chew him about the restraints until he placed a hand in the air to stop her rant from beginning.

"It is just a protocol procedure. If you would like, I can remove them?" he stated.

"Yes, it would freak him out more than he already will when he wakes up," Danielle stated angrily.

The doctor nodded and took the restraints of his sleeping patient before stepping away from Tony and standing by the door.

"If he wakes up or you need anything, don't hesitate to call for a nurse," Dr Pitt stated.

Danielle nodded, her anger now controlled and calming, "Thank you Doctor,"

He nodded before leaving her to the solitude of the hospital room.

Tears piled up in her emerald eyes as she rushed to Tony's side and began to bawl her eyes out.

"W-w-why Tony? Why did you try and kill yourself?" she whimpered clutching his right hand to her cheek, "I was right here if you needed me, I would have come back any time if you needed a shoulder to cry on. You could have said yes to my offer. Why would you go and try to leave me all alone again **il** **cugino***?"

Danielle wiped her tears away and used Tony's limp hand to cup her cheek.

"I'm here for you now Tony. I won't leave you alone again until this is solved. **Prometto***," she whispered in promise.

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Tony blearily blinked his eyes to see a white wash ceiling; a sterile smell flooded his nose.<p>

He groaned at the knowledge that he was in a hospital. Someone had found him and saved his life. Not that he wanted to be saved.

He looked over to his right hand and saw a familiar head of long light brown hair with blond highlights. Danielle was sleeping softly beside him, her hand holding his as if afraid to let it go and tears were still present in her eyes but they seemed to have stopped for the moment. There were still silver tear trails down her face that were drying.

He started to remove his hand from her grip, but it tightened as she slowly began to wake from her slumber.

Her own emerald eyes blinked open sleepily until she looked up at him and cried in relief, embracing him in tight hug. Her body shook from the sobs that threatened to break from her mouth.

"Oh Tony, why did you do that? Why didn't you just call me?" she said, looking up into his eyes.

Tony felt tears begin to pile in his eyes at the thought of leaving Danielle alone. He had completely forgotten about his little cousin, the one he loved like a sister. She would have followed him if he had died. They were the only ones in each other's lives that stuck with them the whole way.

"I'm sorry **la cugina***. So much had just been piling itself upon my heart that I forgot what I would truly be leaving behind if I died," he cried, hugging her back and pressing his face against her hair.

"Please don't forget again," she whispered.

"**Prometto la cugina**," he whispered back.

She sighed and took to heart the promise before sitting up and wiping away her tears.

Danielle looked into his eyes with a decision right in her eyes, one that she would not stray from.

"Remember what I said last time we talked, tell me **si*** and I would do it," she stated.

"Yeah I remember,"

"Please say that you are going to say it, I don't want you to feel like this anymore. It's time to try and move on and this is the way to do it," Danielle said in exasperation and worry.

Tears filled his emerald eyes as he nodded at her, "**Si***,"

She smiled slightly and nodded at him, "I'll go and see when they will release you, then I will go make the necessary arrangements,"

Tony nodded as he watched her start to leave the room, "Danielle," he called.

Danielle stopped and looked back at him, her hand on the door handle.

"Yes Tony?" she asked softly.

Tony smiled slightly, "Thank you for being here for me,"

Danielle smiled brightly at him, "Your family Tony, I will always be here for you,"

She left the room in a swirl of rose perfume.

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Gibbs was sitting at his desk in the bullpen sipping at his coffee. The day had started with no case and McGee and Ziva were sitting at their own desks working on cold cases.<p>

He glanced over at Tony's desk and sighed, it had only been a few days since Tony had gone on vacation and it was just too darn quiet in the bullpen without his lame-ass jokes, movie references or sexual exploits ringing through the air while he bantered with his fellow agents.

Gibbs hated being away from the young Italian; he missed the sound of his voice and beautiful sparkle of life in his emerald green eyes. Even if he could not have the man he love, he could at least be in the man's life as much as he could.

A ding pierced the air as the elevator doors opened and a civilian entered the office, escorted by a security officer from the building. Her rose perfume wafted through the air.

He swept a quick glance in her direction and caught her eyes, surprised to see a familiar emerald green looking back at him before she looked away, following the officer as he lead her to Director Vance's office.

His thoughts quickly returned back to his Senior Field Agent, quickly dismissing the woman from his thoughts, unaware that the talk that Director Vance was about to become involved in would bring his whole world crashing down. The fate of Tony in NCIS was changing as he worked completely oblivious to the changes that were about to happen.

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><p><strong>TO BE CONTINUED. . .<strong>

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><p><strong>Do not quote me on my Italian, I am not Italian, I just looked up some of the words that I wanted for this chapter and probably for the rest of the story.<strong>

il cugino = male cousin

la cugina = female cousin

prometto = promise

si = yes

**Please read & review.**

**JA NE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED ON 14/8/2012. I DO NOT OWN NCIS in any way or form, only my OC Danielle Gregorio and any other new characters that may appear.**

**PLEASE ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love: Chapter 3 ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Tony sighed as he sat down on the seat before he looked out the window of the private jet of the Gregorio family or at least Danielle's private jet. Things had been pretty hectic since he had been released from hospital, Danielle had wanted to leave the country as soon as possible so that he could heal properly and without the distractions that had caused him to want to commit suicide in the first place.<p>

"Tony, are you all right?" a voice spoke from behind him.

Tony turned and saw Danielle looking at him softly, her eyes expressing her worry and empathy for him.

"I'm getting there, Danielle," he said.

She smiled softly at him and sat next to him, where she wrapped her arm around his shoulders before placing a hand on his stomach, rubbing it softly. The two gave each other brief glances as they thought of the small beautiful piece of life that grew within.

"I still can't believe Father didn't tell me that we had the carriergene in our family," Tony spoke.

"I can only assume he didn't think that you wouldn't turn out to either bi-sexual or gay," Danielle chuckled, "Either that or your old man truly is a cold bastard,"

"Second option seems most likely in my eyes," Tony replied.

Danielle looked up and started bouncing up and down in her seat with a big grin spread across her face, "Does this mean that I get to be called Aunty Danielle?"

Tony laughed at the child-like happiness that bloomed in her face. She was only 25 years old, much like that of younger sister to him rather than a cousin. Yet in some many ways, her zealous energy for life reminded him of Abby but Danielle knew when to take things seriously. Especially when it came to business and negotiations that she had learnt to do as the owner of the legendary Italian company '_Gregorio Enterprises_'.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, **Daniela**," Tony teased, smirking lightly.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Tony just laughed as the pilot called that they were just preparing to take off. Placing his seatbelt on, he rested both hands on his stomach; one overlapping the one Danielle had placed on there.

His little miracle was still living inside him even though he had tried to kill himself, the one that had been born of a one-night stand with his drunken boss and the man he secretly loved for ten years.

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>Danielle smiled at the look of love that resided over her cousin's face as he rubbed his stomach affectionately, already loving the small life growing within. Tony rubbed it unconsciously but lovingly, caressing his stomach to have some form of contact with his slowly growing son or daughter. To her, it seemed that after a month in darkness and depression, his month old child brought him the small ray of light and hope that he needed in his life at the moment.<p>

She looked down at her watch to see it was 1200 hours. One week exactly since the day she had found Tony with his wrists slit and bleeding onto the floor of the apartment she had bought for him.

A soft sigh left her lips at the message that she knew would be passed on by the Director of the NCIS to Tony's fellow 'team' members - the same ones that seemed to have abandoned him. Her emerald eyes wandered to the passing scenery, she sent a silent pray to whatever angels or deities watching over them that she was doing the right thing by taking him away from Washington, and the family that he had grown to love when she had not been there for him.

Danielle looked over at Tony once again and grabbed his hand as the plane finally took off, vowing to herself that she would make up for the month that she had spent away from him, making him almost want to give up his life.

'_Even if it means being called Daniela all the time_,' she thought with a shudder.

Her whisper rang through the air, "**Non perdere mai la speranza**,"

_Never lose hope._

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><p><em><em>**~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~**

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><p>"Agent Gibbs, I need you in my office with your team, including Doctor Mallard, Mister Palmer and Miss Sciuto at 1200 hours," Director Vance instructed from atop the balcony connecting to MTAC.<p>

Gibbs looked up from the folder of a cold case to see the Director looming over them.

"Any major reason for this meeting Leon?" Gibbs asked in a condescending tone.

Vance glared at him, his eyes turning cold, "Until your team arrives, I will speak more on the matter. 1200 hours Gibbs, do not be late,"

As Vance began to walk away, McGee looked up from his paperwork, a look of confusion on his face, "Even Tony, Boss?" McGee asked.

Gibbs shook his head, "Vance didn't say anything, besides Tony's on leave. If Vance wanted him here, he would have told me to contact him,"

McGee nodded, "All right Boss, I'll head down and get Abby, Ducky and Palmer and meet you in the Director's office," before walking to the elevator to only bump into Ziva as she strode out of the elevator after coming back from a lunch run.

She looked confused as McGee went about like a man on a mission.

"Where's he going?" she asked as she placed Gibbs' coffee and lunch in front of him.

"Meeting with the Director. McGee's gone to get Abby, Ducky and Palmer as they were requested as well," Gibbs relayed to his agent.

The look of 'oh' went across her face as she grabbed her own drink and sat down to wait for the others. Ziva glanced over at Tony's desk and sighed before looking over Gibbs.

"Have you heard from Tony at all recently?" she asked, her voice ringing with her concern.

Gibbs looked up and over at his Senior Field Agents' desk. Getting up, he moved closer to the desk to see that some of Tony's personal affects were missing. Even the sign for Tony's name was missing.

"No I haven't Ziva and some of his things are missing," he said turning to his other agent, "Did you notice they were missing?"

Ziva shook her head, concern and confusion marring her face.

They were professional investigators yet that had not truly noticed the missing things from their fellow agents desk, one, which they passed, at varied hours of every day.

The toll of the elevator opening signalled the arrival of the other members of their mismatched family. Gibbs' looked down at his watch and realised that they had five minutes to spare before they were late. Gibbs nodded and led the way towards the Director's office. As they passed the secretary's desk, she nodded at them before hitting a button to allow them into the office.

Director Vance looked up from the folder he was studying on his desk to see them all filtering into the room.

"Please be seated," Vance directed.

They all sat before Gibbs folded his arms and grimaced at Vance.

"Why are we here Leon?" he growled to his boss.

Vance glared at him before looking down at the folder in front of him, then taking a deep breath to steady himself; Vance's eyes darkened as his anger and disappointment became clear in his eyes and on his face. His eyes seemed haunted.

"I'll called you all in here to discuss an occurrence that happened this time last week," Vance started, intertwining his fingers in front of him.

"But nothing happened last week . . ." Abby started before Vance raised a hand to stop her.

"Yes, nothing happened here! I'm sorry to inform you, but last week Agent Dinozzo was found in his apartment with his wrists slit, having attempted suicide," Vance finished.

Gasps rang through the air and shock was sent through their systems at Vance's words.

After recovering from the shock, a growl rung through the air, "Why wasn't I fucking notified of this Vance? I'm listed as Tony's next of kin and medical proxy. Why wasn't I notified that he was in hospital or anything?" Gibbs shouted at his boss.

Vance growled and stood up, staring down his fellow Agent, "Because you are no longer either! His first cousin is now his medical proxy and next of kin as of three months ago,"

Those words seemed to stop Gibbs tirade at the thought of the change happening without him know, '_Why wasn't I told? Tony should have told me he had a cousin,'_ Gibbs thought sad and angry at the same time.

"Do you know why this happened? Is Tony okay?" McGee asked in concern, Ziva nodded at the question as well wanting to know as well.

"According to his cousin, Mr. Dinozzo has been a bit of a wreck this past month and when he came to me a few weeks ago asking for his vacation time, that's when things started to go further down hill. Due a difficult personal experience and an imbalance of hormones, things became too much for Agent Dinozzo and he tried to attempt suicide," Vance answered.

"Where was his cousin during all of this?" Palmer asked.

"She had to return to Italy for some business recently and he had not talked to her about his problems. He had mostly cried on her shoulder. She had tried to get out of leaving but it had been very urgent," Vance declared before sighing and looking down at his open folder in front of him, "However, even then he had seemed to be hiding things from her. According to his latest medical folder, Mister Dinozzo had been cutting for at least a month prior to this incidence,"

Ducky looked at the folder in Vance's hands, "May I?"

Vance nodded and handed the folder to the elder Medical Examiner.

Gibbs ground his teeth together and clenched his fists as he thought of the mask that had appeared on Tony's face. He had been withdrawn and his eyes didn't hold the same joy and laughter that they usually had but the mask had always been in place and had only slipped for a moment before Gibbs could truly tell that the look had been there at all.

He had still been the same Dinozzo on the outside - cocky, full of attitude, movie quotes and teasing jests.

The turning of pages could be heard in the pondering silence of their fallen team member. A gasp soon rang through the air from Ducky and they all looked over to see him holding small photograph in his hands.

Ducky's face was pale as his hands shook and tears began to brim in his eyes. He wiped the tears away and swallowed before looking at the Director, his words rushing out in a hurry.

"Is he . . . Are they both okay? Has someone seen to him?" Ducky cried in fear and worry.

Vance held up his hand to placate the worried Doctor, "They are both fine and Dinozzo's little miracle was not harmed during or prior to the suicide attempt according to Dr. Pitt,"

"AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE?" Gibbs shouted out in frustration.

Vance and Ducky glared at him, Gibbs flinched slightly under the ME's dark and disapproving glare but it wasn't noticed by either men.

"A reason for Tony's hormone imbalance. Something none of us knew and something I don't even think Tony knew. Tony has the carrier gene. A gene found only in men that allows them to become pregnant when with a male partner. Dr. Pitt discovered that Tony was one month pregnant at the time of his suicide attempt. Luckily no complications arose from suicide attempt, even though he was overly intoxicated at the time," Ducky explained to the group.

McGee fainted and Ziva turned pale.

Abby just jumped up with glee on her face, "I'm going to be an Aunty!"

Vance grimaced at the girl's glee and joy, something that did not go unnoticed by Gibbs, Ziva or Ducky.

"Who is the father?" Ducky asked.

"The man who fathered his child was someone he had a drunken one-night stand with about a month ago. The only other person who knows the identity of the other father is Danielle," Vance explained rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"Oh Tony," Abby whispered.

McGee groaned as he woke up from his fainting spell, before stuttering, "Tony's pregnant?"

Gulping, Gibbs sat down and ran hand down his face, trying to calm his nerves.

Silence rang through the room once again as the news truly sank in.

It was Palmer who broke the depressing silence, "Did he choose to keep the baby?"

Vance nodded. A sigh of relief rang through the room at this motion.

Abby looked up with tears in her eyes, "Wait. You said that this happened a week ago. Why are we only being told now?" she whispered, almost expecting more bad news.

Gibbs paled at the thought and tensed, waiting for Vance's next words with fear that he usually did not show.

Looking down at his watch and nodded to himself, "As per Tony's cousins instructions, she did not want you informed until this hour and this day,"

"What?" Ziva cried standing up, "Why?"

Vance flinched and tensed before finally answering her question, "Because as of this moment, Anthony Dinozzo is officially a retired agent of NCIS and has just left the country,"

"WHAT?!" They all cried in horror, anger and pain.

The team all gave each other the same looks before nodding to each other and began to leave the office.

Gibbs was the only one remaining in the Director's office. He growled and strode forward before slamming his hands down on the desk. Vance did not flinch at the movement or the sound.

"Who is his cousin, Vance? Give me a name before things get ugly," Gibbs growled.

Vance rolled his eyes at the Special Agent, "Miss Danielle Gregorio, born Italian, owner of the Italian company, Gregorio Enterprises and Dinozzo's first cousin. But seems more like a sister for how protective and caring she is of him from what I observed of the woman,"

Gibbs nodded slightly before starting to leave.

"One more thing Agent Gibbs," Vance started.

Gibbs turned and glared at the man, "Yes?"

"_You may not like the answers that you will find_," Vance stated, "Miss Gregorio's words of wisdom to you, Agent Gibbs. I suggest you heed them. Miss Gregorio is not one to be trifled with, especially when her family is in the picture,"

**TO BE CONTINUED . . .**

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><p><strong>Please read &amp; review!<strong>

**JA NE!**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey** Everybody, yes this story seemed dead for the past few months but new job, new residence and new study had led me to a bit of a stand still in all my stories that needed to be updated. **

**So **HI **to all my new followers and readers, **NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN **to all my those who have already read this story. I would suggest re-reading this story as I have updated the last three chapters. This is happening to all the stories I wish to continue, so forgive me for not updating sooner.**

**ANYHOO! I really hope you like the newest chapter of my story. I've also totally changed the way I wanted this to end and I love how this new approach is going. **

**As always:**

**I do not own NCIS or make money from writing this story and the song used in this chapter is** "Faded" **by **Kate DeAraugo,** I only own my OC Danielle Gregorio (who may sound like a Mary-Sue so please don't comment on that, I respect your opinion - I'm just not too sure I want to hear that) and the only money I see for this story is the one that goes into electricity and internet payments XD LOL. (**Sorry had to have a chuckle**).**

**Enough of me talking, I know what you are here for.**

**ENJOY!**

**NOTE:**

**Person on the other end of phone**

**UPDATE:** Hi, just added a little of information extra than what was in the original. This is just to help with my planning of the next couple of chapters. Ta!

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><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love: Chapter 4 ~*~*~<strong>

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><p>The team thundered down the stairs from MTAC at a fast pace, determination set in their faces as they set forth to bring back their wayward team member.<p>

"McGee, David, get me everything and anything on Gregorio," Gibbs ordered as they strode into the Bullpen.

"On it Boss," the two said in union before sitting at their desks.

"Get everything on Tony for the past six months as well, something seems fishy there as well," Gibbs ordered once again before turning to see Abby, Ducky and Palmer standing behind him.

Abby had tears running down her face, her mascara and eyeliner running. Gibbs held out his arms, bracing himself when she jumped into his arms to cry against his chest.

Gibbs rested his cheek against the top of her head, "Everything will be okay Abby," he whispered.

"Just bring him back Gibbs, bring Tony home," Abby stated, before leaving his embrace and heading towards the elevator.

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand through his grey hair, he turned to the ME, who nodded at him; Ducky always seemed to know what he was thinking by just looking into his blue eyes.

"I can only theorize Jethro, we may never really know, but knowing Anthony as I do, I may have some theories," Ducky stated.

"I need some insight Ducky, and you are one of the best," Gibbs said, crossing his arms and waiting for the Doctor's answer.

"I just hope it is enough," Ducky stated before starting on his theory, "Anthony is one month pregnant and for that one month, he has been cutting himself. It seems to me as if he regrets something or the very thought brings him pain and he needed some form of release,"

"But why Ducky?" Gibbs asked, "Tony has never seemed to the type to try and commit suicide,"

"Even the most stable person can become suicidal given the right circumstances," Ducky answered, "But in answer to your other question, I think the question is not why Jethro, but who? Who is the other father of Anthony's child? It sounds to me as if it was someone he was close too. Someone he either regrets sleeping with or is someone he secretly loves but thinks he cannot have. Why else would he run away? Though the hormone imbalance would have also influenced some of his choices,"

Gibbs sighed, so many questions were now given light and some of them he didn't really want to dig into. A nagging feeling in the back of his mind wanted to push its way to the surface but now was not the time.

"Then what do I do?" he asked the ME.

"Find out the possible candidates that could be the father of Anthony's child. Any man that he is close to that he has spoken to or seen at least one month ago," Ducky stated.

Gibbs nodded, "Thanks Duck,"

He started to turn back to the Bullpen but Ducky began to speak again, "Just one more thing Jethro. You may not like the answers you find, so tread with caution,"

Gibbs sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Not the first time I've heard those words today Duck,"

"Then **DO NOT** take those words lightly Jethro," Ducky stated before walking towards the elevator to leave the Bullpen with Palmer by his side.

Gibbs turned to the rest of his team to see Ziva and McGee beginning to stand up and present what they had found so far.

McGee clicked his mouse to the nearest screen, "Danielle Gregorio – age 25, born Italian to Lorenzo Gregorio and Maria Gregorio nee-Dinozzo. Maria Gregorio nee Dinozzo was Tony's aunt; meaning Gregorio and Tony are first cousins. Though they only gained contact between each other since Gregorio turned 15 as the mother had cut contact with Dinozzo Senior, six years before Gregorio was born. Both her parents are deceased; they died in a car crash not long after she turned 18. Since then she had gained control over her father's company 'Gregorio Enterprises'. However, Gregorio is only the owner and not the CEO of the company as she had no wish to control the company though she does have say over the major projects undertaken by the company. Her CEO is Michelangelo Bartolini is a family friend who has known the Gregorio family for over 20 years,"

Ziva continued on, "Gregorio is clean on debts with her financials and has no criminal record and has no known connections to the Mafia. She is currently attending a college in Rome with a double major in Art and Engineering and has previously completed a Bachelor of Science degree through MIT with a major in Computer Sciences. She must be trying to become more involved in her family company as Gregorio Enterprises is known for its technology both medical and everyday life, though none in any military projects or sectors since the instigation of her father as the head of Gregorio family business in 1985,"

Gibbs nodded at the two, looking over the information provided to him on the screen before him.

"Anything come back from Tony yet?" Gibbs asked.

"I'm still running a financial and phone history right now boss. I'll go down to the Lab and analyse when it all comes through with Abby for anything hinky," McGee stated before returning to his desk.

"And I will call several of the places that Tony visits, hopefully that will be able to give us a clearer picture of who the other father might be or where he was at the time of the child's conception," Ziva stated.

Gibbs grunted before returning to his own desk, ready to do some digging of his own.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>~ 5 HOURS LATER ~<strong>

Gibbs sighed as he rubbed his eyes wearily. He had been sitting at the desk for almost five hours, trying to find a lead that would bring them closer to Tony and Gregorio. Nothing seemed to be ringing any alarms in his head.

That was what he was afraid of – no one could be as 'off the radar' as this.

"This is getting us nowhere," he muttered before standing up from his desk.

"What have you got for me?" he asked.

Ziva stood up from her desk, just as Abby and McGee rushed from the elevator to stand before him.

"I have tried several of the places that Tony has been known to visit and they state that they have not seen him at since about three to four months before the conception period," Ziva exclaimed in exasperation at not finding anything helpful.

McGee stood there timidly, almost afraid to give the Boss bad news before sighing and speaking, "Boss, you might want to take a look at this"

He placed a USB in his computer hard-drive and clicking the image to pop up on the main flat screen set up in their team area, "I've been going over all of Tony's files and other details. His entire bank accounts have been deactivated, the money had withdrawn and his debts payed off – this was done about three months ago. The only mobile phone that he had was his NCIS issue one and that one was been placed back here. All this seemed a bit to methodical and really hinky to me so we did some more digging and Abby thought of something else,"

Abby stepped forward, her hair no longer in pigtails, a sure sign of distress and sadness that the young forensic scientist was feeling, "I called the apartment where Tony lives . . . or at least we thought he did. Turns out that Tony moved out of his apartment and hasn't been living there for three months. He didn't even leave a new postal address for them to forward any mail. If it weren't for the fact that we had seen Tony around during the three months that after these things occurred, I would have thought it was almost like he had disappeared off the system,"

"But how? Tony would have had to been paid several times over those three months – where would all that money have gone?" Ziva asked out loud.

Gibbs sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Following Tony had led to nothing but more questions and he could only really get Ducky to try and profile the behaviour behind the reasons for the trail disappearing so suddenly and methodically.

"I'll talk to Vance about Tony's situation with financials after he's out of his MTAC meeting. McGee, Ziva – look into Gregorio again. Go back as far as her birth; also check out her family. Maybe there is something there that can lead us to closer to Tony," Gibbs stated, before going to sit at his desk.

The two agents followed his order immediately, Abby left silently tears still pouring down her face in sadness, disappearing with a ding and the closing of silver elevator doors.

Opening his emails, Gibbs was about to email Vance about talking to him ASAP when an unknown address in his inbox popped up.

Cautiously, he opened the email. Five words were written on the email as well as some sort of attachment.

**YOU LET HIM FADE AWAY.**

"MCGEE!" Gibbs shouted, scaring the two other team members badly.

McGee rushed over to the desk timidly.

"Check out this email, I only just received a moment ago," Gibbs ordered before standing up and letting the MIT graduate at his computer.

Frowning, McGee stepped around the desk and sat down.

"Its from an address that is not on the NCIS system, which should be impossible as NCIS email addresses aren't handed out just randomly. This has to be from someone we know or have met before. It also looks like there is a video file attached to the email. I'll put it up on the screen now," McGee said, frowning slightly.

Gibbs turned to look at the nearest screen with Ziva moving to stand beside the former Marine.

Pop music began to play as images followed the music pace.

Gibbs felt himself pale at the images of his former Senior Field Agent played alongside the music.

_**You never take**_

_**Take the time to really look**_

_**Look at the one**_

_**The one I really am**_

_**You try to fit**_

_**To fit me in a perfect box**_

_**You let me slip between the cracks**_

_**Now I've faded**_

_**Into someone else**_

_**Made me someone I don't wanna be**_

_**Yeah I'm faded**_

_**My true colour's gone**_

_**Like a picture nobody sees**_

_**I'll bet you don't**_

_**Don't even know my favourite song**_

_**You tell me how**_

_**How I should wear my hair**_

_**You wanna change**_

_**Everything I ever was**_

_**Try to erase me**_

_**Till I'm not there**_

_**Now I've faded**_

_**Into someone else**_

_**Made me someone I don't wanna be**_

_**Yeah I'm faded**_

_**My true colour's gone**_

_**Like a picture nobody sees**_

_**Now I've faded**_

_**Like I never was**_

_**Till I don't even know myself**_

_**Yeah I'm faded**_

_**Into what you want**_

_**But I'm not takin' it too well**_

_**I don't wanna be your little picture perfect pretty girl**_

_**Who's got nothing to say**_

_**I'm not gonna wait around**_

_**Let you run my whole life down**_

_**So you can watch me fade away**_

The images haunted his mind. The ones that had appeared at the start were of the young man they had all known and loved when Tony had first arrived at NCIS – happy, a comedian and a flirt. But then they slowly morphed into a dark, depressed looking Tony that they had never wished to ever see and never wanted to see again.

From the time stamp on one picture, Gibbs could tell that the depressed ones had been from some time during the last three months.

'_What have I done?_' echoed through his mind.

His venture to Mexico and the events following had truly taken the life from the man.

_**(Faded, Faded)**_

_**You try to fit**_

_**Fit me in your perfect box**_

_**(Faded, Faded)**_

_**You try to fit**_

_**Fit me in your perfect box**_

_**You try to fit**_

_**Fit me in a perfect box**_

_**You let me slip between the cracks**_

_**Now I've faded**_

_**Into someone else**_

_**Made me someone I don't wanna be**_

_**Yeah I'm faded**_

_**My true colour's gone**_

_**Like a picture nobody sees**_

_**Now I've faded**_

_**Like I never was**_

_**Till I don't even know myself**_

_**Yeah I'm faded**_

_**Into what you want**_

_**But I'm not takin' it too well**_

_**I Faded**_

_**(Faded, hated, slippin' away as I disappear in the dark)**_

_**I Faded**_

_**(Faded, hated, so far away from who I was at the start)**_

_**Faded, hated, slippin' away as I disappear in the dark**_

_**Faded, hated, so far away from who I was at the start**_

The last photo was of Tony yet again but the way he looked scared them all greatly. Tony was as pale and thin, his cheekbones more prominent in his face from not eating. There was a shine on his sleeping face that was revealed by the camera, revealing tears that had dried on Tony's face.

This was not their Tony. Just a haunted reminder of what should have never happened.

"Someone's sending us a message," Gibbs stated, sounding off as he tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

"That Tony is a target?" Abby whispered, sounding very worried as she returned with Ducky by her side.

"No . . . that we are the ones who let Tony 'fade away' and become 'faded'. The song wasn't random; who ever sent this knew what happened. And I don't need to give you a guess to tell you who would do that," Gibbs growled angrily, still looking at the screen, his jaw tight and his fists clenched as if he wanted to shoot something or someone.

"I'll track the email and hack into its server, it will give us a location and I.D to check who sent it. Hopefully it will lead us to Tony and Gregorio," McGee stated determinedly.

Abby rushed the man's side to help him.

Ducky sighed as he stepped forward and placed a hand on Gibbs' shoulder, who was still looking at the screen, to try and calm the man's rage.

"Anger will not help you in anything – with finding Tony or earning his forgiveness. The truth has been revealed and at a rather difficult time. We all needed to know and she has done that in a very meticulous way at that," Ducky stated.

Gibbs hears McGee making a phone call as he continued to work.

Sighing he spoke in a voice that more calm that he felt inside, "Is this the work of a psycho? Please tell me it is, because I think I could handle the truth a lot more if this is the case,"

"I wish I could tell you otherwise Jethro. This is the work of a young, intelligent, resourceful and concerned woman who is trying to protect her only living family member and the child he is carrying. You know you would do the same if it was your family or any member of your team in the same situation," Ducky replied, a twinkle of knowledge sparking in his eyes.

A slam was heard along with a growl. Gibbs turned and was shocked to see that it was McGee who growled as he glared at the screen.

"McGee?" Gibbs asked.

"The email was from an account that has been registered only a few hours ago and then de-activated afterwards. The name used was one like Tony would use from one of his many favourite movies. It was opened in a Wireless Internet café on one of its computers available for use. I called the café; it's here in Quantico. Too use the computers, you have to pay using coins, just add the right amount for how long you want and you're in. The café doesn't log names, has no security cameras and the woman I talked too said that the café has been full all day – people coming in and out all the time so she wouldn't be able to really remember anything with it being so busy," McGee stated angrily, before slamming a hand down in anger in frustration and then grabbing his face to try and calm down.

Ducky just chuckled, "Well, she is good. I'll give her that,"

Gibbs just shook his head good-naturedly at the old ME and walked away in desperate need of a coffee.

"Jethro," Ducky called.

Gibbs turned to the old man standing in the path.

"At least he is safe and alive, that is all that matters right now. We will get the answers we need in due time and the rest will just fall into place,"

Gibbs nodded before the elevator doors closed behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~ A Life Without Love ~*~*~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~ UNKNOWN PLACE ~*~*~<strong>

A young, scrawny yet tall man sighed as he placed his coat on the rack and rubbed the back of his head with his hand.

As he sat down in the living room, he pulled a phone from a draw in the table in front of him, calling the only number listed on the phone. Pressing the phone to his ear, he gritted his teeth as the phone pressed the glasses down, digging the side into his head.

The line rang three times before being answered.

"**Hello?**"

"Hey, it's me. It's done, I did what you asked me to do and everything else that made it so it wasn't traced back to me" he said, smiling proudly.

The voice on the other end sighed, "**Thanks J, I really owe you for doing that for me**,"

"Not at all, I care about Tony too, I just wish the others had seen what I had about three months before hand so none of this would have happened at all and the team wouldn't have been broken up because of it. Only Tony saw the real me, not just the mask I wear – one easily scared of an old man and a chatterbox,"

"**J, you know that you are not – well, maybe the chatterbox bit, but I still don't know why you have that mask, I hate it as much as I hate the one Tony uses. I don't like it when you hide who you really are,**"

"Yeah well, until they can accept who Tony really is then they won't be able to accept me for who I am,"

The voice sighed yet again, "**Just be careful to let yourself fade away, we don't want to lose you too,**"

He gave a small smile and chuckled softly, "Don't worry, I know you would do a Gibbs and head slap me before that ever happened,"

"**And don't forget that! Please, just promise me that you will stay safe, alright,**"

"Trust me, I will. You will be the first I call if anything happens. Look after Tony and the little one for me. Send them my love and tell him congratulations,"

"**Don't worry I will,**"

He could almost hear the smile from the woman on the other end, "_Semper fi_ Danielle,"

"_**Semper fi**_** Jimmy**,"

**TO BE CONTINUED . . .**

* * *

><p><strong>BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT LITTLE ENDING COMING UP! XP I had fun with that chapter, totally revised though, I had another alternative but disregarded that entirely because what I had seemed WAY too soon!<strong>

**Also** _Semper fi_** is short for **_Semper fidelis_ **which is Latin for** "Always Faithful/Always Loyal"**. It is used in the NCIS TV Series and also in real life for the Marines - here's a little fun fact I just learnt: '**_Semper_ fidelis became the Marine Corps motto in 1883' **on the website I found when looking up the meaning. Pretty cool huh! **

**As always, please READ & REVIEW! I'll get to this soon, but after I finish update and finish revising my LOTR/HP crossover.**

**JA NE!**


	5. Chapter 5

**God you guys have the patience of saints to be able to put up with my long periods of inactivity.**

**Well I'm now moved back home after spending a year up north working so that's a start, my MacBook got the evil BLACK SCREEN OF DEATH but hopefully that should be fixed by tomorrow. Until then I am left to type away slowly on my NEW iPad.**

**Anyway, this chapter focuses back on Tony and his progression during his pregnancy. This is a bit of a time skip chapter but it works and is how I wanted to see it done.**

**Enough of my rambling, enjoy the new chapter!**

AN: At the end of Chapter 4, Tony was one month pregnant (just to refresh my mind as well as you readers)

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~*~ A Life Without Love Chapter 5 ~*~*~*~<strong>

* * *

><p><em><span>Month 1<span>_

_I don't know how Danielle convinced me to write a diary of my pregnancy but, and I quote, she said that, __**"This is your first pregnancy and probably your only one, but wouldn't you want to document how your child grew within you as you watch them grow older. If you do it now, at least you will have a better way to look back at that time than just memories that will begin to fade with time,".**_

_Hell, who am I kidding? One look of her puppy dog eyes and I'm a goner. God, she better not teach my kid those otherwise he or she could get away with anything._

_I'm currently 1 1/2 months pregnant and all I can really say is I now know and feel for every woman who has ever been pregnant or will be. Morning sickness is still hitting me with a vengeance and I'm feeling it till to pretty much lunchtime. It's a wonder if I am able to keep anything down at all to help the kid grow at all, not to mention myself._

_Mood swings are starting to get to me too, Danielle is the only one in the whole household who is willing to put up with it. I've already scared most of the staff off. All my little cousin does is smile and wave it off. Thank god she is being a mother hen over me, god knows Gibbs would . . ._

_I miss him, even though he left me after that one night and never looked back at me again. It's not the same without seeing those brilliant silver-blue eyes of his, even if it is to head slap me. I miss what we had together and what could have been if I had had the guts to stay and tell him the truth. To tell Gibbs that I love him and that he is going to be a father. But I need to heal before I can ever think of returning, hopefully my little miracle will be there beside me._

_Even if they never do go like I pray they will, at least they will be there for me, giving me at least one little reminder of the love I have for him._

.

.

.

_Month 2_

_If it weren't for this little sonogram in my hands right now, I don't think I could really believe that there was a baby growing inside of me. It's still so surreal but looking at the little black and white picture in my hands and remembering the soft but fast heart beat I heard when I had the sonogram done, I can only cry with joy. That is my little bundle of joy growing inside of me and will always be a part of me and the man I love._

_But looking back now when I had almost killed myself, I can think of the 'what ifs' if I had successfully killed myself. I would never have seen my child grow inside me or to see the potential they could have become. Or have seen what could have been a family grown between Gibbs and I as we watched our child grow together. I was so selfish to try and take my life but I didn't know - I didn't know I had the carrier gene, that I was pregnant or that I could lose the life growing inside of me._

_My little miracle, thank god for my little miracle. And thank Danielle for being the only one there for me to save us both._

_Speaking of Danielle, she's gone baby crazy! She is so excited to be an Aunty that she has gone ahead and bought baby books and toys and not mention even starting to set up a nursery right across the hall from my room. But she refuses to let me in! __**"Not till the baby shower!" **__She said when I tried to go in. She even took away anything that I could use to try and pick the lock, she KNOWS just how curious I can be and this is going to drive me CRAZY until I finally know._

_But she's not always like that. She's not always the happy-go-lucky I always thought she was. God there were times when I thought Danielle and Abby were cut from the same cloth, but I'm starting to less and less of that in my little cousin._

_Danielle has been awfully sad and downtrodden recently and I don't know why, she won't tell me. Is it her love life? Does she want a baby of her own? I try to help but she won't let me into her head. All she does is wave it away and then start bursting into happiness about being an Aunty. I just hate seeing her so down like that. I only hope I can be there for her when she does tell me._

_Just like she was to me during my time of depression._

.

.

.

_Month 3_

_After all this time being sick, having the mood swings and even the crazy ass cravings that have grown into things that would make even me green if it wasn't for the fact that I am pregnant, I can finally see the very fact that there is a child growing inside of me._

_My abs are now starting disappear but I can now see the hard bump in my lower abdomen that now holds my child. You can barely see it but if you look closely when I am on my side or side-on, you can see it._

_Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I just lay in bed and rub my stomach, just knowing that there is a little baby, my baby growing inside of me. Sometimes, I swear I can almost imagine that Gibbs is there beside me, rubbing my stomach as well, showing one of his true and genuine happy smiles as he looks down at the life we created together. But when I open my eyes and see that he still isn't there where he should be._

_It's still another six months until I finally pop, but next month I'm going to find out whether the baby will be a boy or a girl. I know some people like the surprise, Gibbs probably would as well but I want to know and so does Danielle._

_I can't wait to hold my little miracle in my arms, my little baby Dinozzo-Gibbs . . . Oh what I wouldn't give to hold my little miracle in my arms right now._

.

.  
>.<p>

_Month 4_

_It's finally arrived, the time finally find out whether my baby is a little boy or a little girl. I can just picture a little boy with my locks and the beautiful silver-blue eyes of his father or a little girl with his beautiful straight (once) brown hair and my emerald eyes._

_Now if only Danielle would give me the bloody envelope . . . _  
>". . . before I stick the video camera she is currently shoving in my face up her ass," Tony growled aloud as he continued to write.<br>His emerald eyes met the dark video camera lens before glaring at the user.  
>"Hey! This home video is supposed to be G-Rated! I'm really sure your kid will love to hear the language you speak when they get old enough for me to show them this video," Danielle exclaimed, waving the camera about as she glared at him.<br>"Dani, I'm in the middle of a mood swing, I had one my last bouts of morning sickness this morning, I'm getting tired all the time, I'm not looking forward to looking like a bloated whale that will be anytime soon and I have been waiting for this moment for the past two months - NOW GIVE ME THAT BLOODY ENVELOPE!" Tony growled.  
>"Sheesh, don't get you panties in a twist! Here," Danielle mumbled.<br>Tony snatched the letter from her hand but not before kissing her on the cheek, "Gracias la cugina,"  
>Grumbling and curse could be heard about 'bloody pregnant people and their mood swings', Tony just ignored her as he sat down with a smile on his face, looking down at the white pristine envelope in his hand.<br>Danielle began recording once again as she watched Tony slowly open the envelope with shaky hands, "So Tony, what were the names you were going to use if the baby was a boy or a girl?"  
>"Katelyn Kelly for a girl and I was tossing up between Donald Jackson or Donald Leory for a boy," Tony said quietly as he finally looked upon the sonogram within.<br>Tears of joy sprung to life in Tony's emerald eyes, one hand reaching up to try and snuffle his sobs.  
>"COME ON ALREADY! Tony, is it a boy or a girl?" Danielle exclaimed, wheeling around to get almost of the sonogram in the video.<br>The sobs echoed softly before Tony finally spoke, "Katelyn Kelly,"  
>'Oh Gibbs, if only you knew what you had lost,' she thought sadly.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Please READ AND REVIEW!<strong>

**Hope you guys all enjoyed that! There will be more soon, hopefully my mojo will back with my other stories as well soon.**

**JA NE!**


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